Sex Isn't Always Sexy

At first, attraction gets to work with mystery.

You don’t know what they look like first thing in the morning. You haven’t heard all

their stories yet. You don’t know what they order without looking at the menu or which

side of the bed they’ll eventually claim.

There’s still a version of them that only exists when they’re around you.

It’s easy to want someone when there’s still so much left to find out.

Then eventually you know too much.

You know what they look like sick. You know when they’re actually mad and when

they’re just hungry. You know which story they’re about to tell before they start telling

it.

You’ve watched them look for their phone while holding their phone.

You know what they wear when everything else is dirty.

You know the exact amount of time “I’m almost ready” actually means.

None of this is particularly sexy.

Familiarity gets blamed for ruining desire a lot.

We talk about keeping things exciting, keeping the spark alive, keeping some mystery.

As if knowing someone too well is something a relationship eventually has to defend

itself against.

And maybe sometimes it is.

There’s something undeniably good about not knowing.

Before someone becomes familiar, you get to fill in the blanks yourself. You get

anticipation. You get the version of them that hasn’t left a wet towel on the bed yet.

But eventually there aren’t many blanks left.

They become a real person.

So do you.

They know what you look like when you’re tired. They’ve heard your bad stories too.

They know which insecurities are real and which ones you pretend are jokes. They

know when you need to be left alone.

They know you hate the big light.

There’s nowhere near as much room for imagination once someone has actually been

around long enough to know you.

Which makes it a little strange that they can still want you.

Not the version of you they met.

Not the one getting ready to go somewhere.

Not the one who still had enough mystery to be impressive.

Just you.

There are probably sexier things than sitting on the bathroom counter while someone

brushes their teeth.

Or reaching for the same person in your sleep.

Or knowing exactly how they take their coffee and making it without asking.

None of those things are really about sex.

Maybe that’s why they start to feel more intimate than things that are.

Being wanted by someone who barely knows you is one thing.

Being wanted after they’ve had enough time to find out is another.

They know what they’re getting.

They reach for you anyway.

You already know which side I sleep on.